i’m all locked up

after many months of contemplating, i have finally decided to commit. i’m not a commitment-phobe. i tend to make decisions and stick to them. for some reason, this commitment seemed to require more time and a full pro/con list.  i did my googles so i knew what to expect if and when i said yes. i’m not sure what made me so apprehensive to jump all in, but the important thing is that i have finally done it. i chucked the pro/con list,and braced myself for the reactions and comments sure to follow.  i started my loc journey.

locking my hair seemed like a logical progression from going natural as a woman who hates combing her hair! i’ve never been a fan. like most black women, i’ve had some serious trauma associated with my hair. my hair is fine and on the thin side. it doesn’t hold styles or texture very well. it also seems to reject all chemicals and i’ve endured multiple cycles of major hair loss after perms, relaxers, color, and weaves.

my fifth grade yearbook picture is a permanent reminder that my hair can betray me at any moment and fall out without warning. and don’t get me started on stress. if you ever want to know if i’m stressed out, hair loss in the crown of my head is your sign. thankfully, i’ve learned to manage stress better so i haven’t had a fallout in years.

but all of this trauma went into my decision to start this loc journey. it was making peace with hair that is finite. as women, we often use our hair as an accessory to highlight our internal feelings about ourselves, life, and the world around us. it can be a symbol of bondage or freedom, rebellion or conformity. but no matter what, it can always be changed.

maybe that was my hesitation with locs. they are more permanent than other styles. and the process to locking is equivalent to going back through puberty. i don’t know about you, but puberty was particularly unkind to me. my ugly phase was indeed ugly and lengthy. when you start locking your hair, you have these sad little twists that you can’t do a whole lot with because they need time to transition. and it’s a long process. i am one of those people who loves results, but hates the process of getting to the results. locking is all about embracing the process.

they say that everyone has a unique loc journey and that your locs hold the evidence of everything you are going through in life. as i look forward to the promise of this year, i hope my locs display the love, grace, faith, and abundance that define my life. i hope that as i look in the mirror over the next few months and see these budding locs taking form on my head, i remember that there is beauty in the process. my hair is my glory, and it testifies to my belief that i can always face change with courage, strength, and grace. cheers to being locked up and free!